Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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