Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
