well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
