yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
