what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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