You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
