I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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