I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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