Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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