'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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