I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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