can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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