We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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