She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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