Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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