Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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