Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
