dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
