im six kinds of drunk right now
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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