been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
