There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
