I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
