The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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