im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
