her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
