Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
