i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
