I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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