Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
