you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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