I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
