True but thats because hes a fetus.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
