Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
