Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
