Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
