No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
