Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
