I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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