Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Randomize
