I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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