Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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