I didn't shave. On purpose
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
