my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
