I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
