Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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