One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
