Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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