remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
