She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
