I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
