Don't you send me to vm
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
