Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All the doctor said was why
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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