Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
