i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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