last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
