I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
