how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
