i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
