no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
