Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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