1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize