So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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