Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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