If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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