trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
