He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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