Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
