she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
