fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
