You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
