whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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