she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
