we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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