the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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