I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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