I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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