she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
