why didn't you poke me back
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
