I cockslap morals
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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