YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
